Born In The Wrong Time
(Sacramento, California, USA)
I have always been "odd". It was painful when I was growing up. I fought desperately to fit in, to belong, to not stand out as different. My looks were fine but it was how I felt. As a result, I was painfully shy as a child and as a teenager. I always felt that if I was quiet and didn't make waves people wouldn't notice I was there and would let me stay. But I always knew what some people thought of me. I could see it in their eyes and faces and body language. Even as a child. I thought it was some kind of paranoia.
When I got older I accepted that I was "odd" and even learned to love that part of me. I knew there was a gift within me even though I didn't know what it was. There have been people in my life who could never tell a lie without me knowing it. It was and is as if their heads were made of glass and I can see that the truth is not there.
I feel like I've always had angels to look out for me. So many times I've been snatched back from some potentially dangerous situations over the years. Once a huge double trailer truck almost took me out on the freeway and something made me hesitate for a split second and it missed me. I was so scared after it happened I had a sour taste in my mouth but I could smell the fragrance of flowers in my car.
Another time I was at work and my boss touched me lightly on the shoulder while I was sitting at my desk. All of a sudden it felt like a violent earthquake hit. I could see the wall next to me fall and the floor felt like it was moving. It was so real that I yelled out and everyone asked what was wrong but no one else had felt it. Later that evening my boss was in our warehouse. She was on a ladder getting a large box down from the top shelf for a customer and she dropped it on the customer's child. The child seemed not to be seriously hurt so my boss didn't fill out an accident report. I think she was afraid to. Later that night the child went into convulsions and when it was reported to my company my boss was terminated.
I'm almost 60 now and I've lived with this "odd" feeling every day of my life. Sometimes it makes feel so sad because I know and see things that I know are the reality and most people want to live with a fantasy because it's easier to deal with life. I never get to live in that fantasy world because I see through it. Most of the time I keep the reality to myself because I've seen the looks on people's faces when you burst their bubble, or tell them a truth they don't want to hear. But I when I really feel something strongly I have to speak up.
I believe the gift is probably more for my own benefit to protect me and guide me through my life and when I listen to my inner voice I'm O.K. When I don't listen I get into trouble, get hurt, or make serious mistakes. Most of the time it's intuition but sometimes it's so much stronger and it scares me. A lot of times I have rejected the gift. I don't want to know more than I'm supposed to know and I close myself off.
I have a long history of unusual events in my life that have brought me both sadness and joy. I have 4 grandchildren now. But my 2 year old granddaughter is showing signs of being "odd". Her vocabulary is years ahead of her. She is fearless, has an amazing technical ability, a strong memory and her motor skills are physically advanced for her age. I want to study more about Indigo people to hopefully clear up so many questions I have always had about myself. I would love "peace". I have jokingly said to myself on many, many occasions 'what am I', 'am I from another planet' and at times more seriously 'I feel like I was born in the wrong time'. Understanding me will help me help my granddaughter who may face the same obstacles and challenges in the future. I don't want her to feel alone or "odd".