Feeling alone in NC
(Greensboro, NC USA)
DC Peace Rally Jan. 2006
I'm 54, unemployed for 4+ yrs, never married, no kids, and scared of the uncertain future. I am ADD and the typical adult Indigo as far as the characteristics go. This last year I have been offered two jobs, accepted them and them lost them before I had a chance to start work. Case of the left hand not knowing what the right was doing I guess. Besides that I have had several other interviews that went so well I was sure I had the job yet never heard back from them or had to chase them down to find out someone else was hired by the partner or husband. So it goes.
I am deeply frustrated by my lack of directions and not knowing how to make a difference in the world. I do have some small physical and mental limitations that get in my way. Physical in that I played too hard when I was a kid and now have joint issues that prevent me from standing for long periods of time. Jobs at Target or Costco are not good choices when your legs and feet hurt after a few hours so badly you can hardly stand. I also have a mental gross out point when it comes to those with infirmity. I know this sounds horrible but I can't deal with severely handicapped, elderly sick and people in hospitals hooked up to all sorts of machines. This does not mean I don't love them, I just get sick or go numb. This also limits my employment options. I feel like such an jerk!
I took a hypnosis class a year ago. After practicing self hypnosis for a while, I began to learn how much junk I carry around from my child hood and DNA, and how it has effects my life today. By late winter or early spring, the news was full of tales of woe about the state of the economy, the war, and rising unemployment. My lack of direction left me feeling very stuck. Amongst it all I was experiencing another failing relationship, the best one of my life and that was the least of my problems. Really!
All my friends seem to think I have lots of skills and talents and show me nothing but love but I want answers, a job and to feel like I am contributing. I want to talk about peace, social justice, the future, building community and come up with ways we all can help others. They all seem to be to involved in material things.
Finally I felt compelled to separate myself from my local friends because I was not being feed with meaningful conversations that promote inner growth, peace or social justice. I am not interested in talking about hand bags, shoes, or brand name stuff, like they are, I want to talk about how to clear the past and move on and help others and network for the future.
Currently I am working with two practitioners to help me clear the blocks fro my childhood and beyond. I seem to uncover more and more junk. The jobs in this town that my limited skills qualify for are few and far between. The competition is huge for the jobs that are there. I taken some classes with the idea they would help me with employment and that has proved not to be the case. I am thinking I need to somehow become self employed. The question is, what do I do and how do I do it with zero funds or knowledge?