I Check all Indigo Adult Boxes
I think I may be an indigo adult here is my story. I was born on the 01/09/80 to Christian parents who were missionaries. Ever since I was about 2 years old I could sense things. My brother was born when I was 18 months old and before he could talk I would tell my mum what he wanted. I would look at him and then tell my mum what he asked for and she would ask me how do you know he can't even talk? But I just knew. At the age of 2-3 we lived in a house where there was a glass front door. Every day at the exact same time I would go to the door and stare. My mum asked me what I was looking at and I said I am looking at him mummy. She didn't take much notice until I was doing this everyday and my mum asked me who “him” was. I said I don't know mum but there is a man at the door and he is trying to get in but no one will let him in and I think he is evil. She told me next time you see him to tell him to go in Jesus name and never bother you again, so the next time it happened I did and the man at the door left.
At the age of approx 5-7 I began having panic attacks in my sleep. I was having nightmares about a man at the window reaching his arm in and grabbing me. So I would wake up screaming until I turned blue or fainted. This occurred for a while and started to dissipate around the age of 7. But then when I was approx 7-9 years old and I would have these, what you would call, visions or waking dreams. I would be going about my normal daily life and I would have a movie length image of something happening in my mind but though I saw it all play out as long as a movie it would only take about a few seconds for me to get this image or vision. I remember one particular time where my parents had this friend; she was in her late 20's and was single. I was setting the table for dinner when I had a vision for her. I saw her standing at the alter with a man with longish hair about the same height, getting married in a church we hadn't been to before. I told our friend about this. 6 months later, our family friend met a man. He looked just like the man I described and in less than a year of dating they were married at his church which looked exactly as I had described it.
My parents moved us over seas when I was 9. I was always bullied at school I was regularly beaten by my parents too. My dad beat me so badly once with his belt which had a large buckle on it that I was literally bleeding through my bruises. I would look in the mirror often because I didn’t feel a part of my body. Ever since I can remember I used to say to myself who am I? What am I doing here? I felt weird I would have tingling sensations in my head I would constantly feel as if my soul was coming out of my body and I had to work hard to keep it in there. It’s like I was 6 inches above it like as if I came out of my body but got stuck and I only made it out a little bit.
By the age of 14 my parents got divorced and my mother moved us overseas again. I went to a new school and the kids there were drinking and smoking and I learned that not everyone was beaten and that was not in the bible but it was child abuse. I began to feel angry and sorry for myself. I skipped school and flunked it. So I tried to fit in although it felt wrong, really wrong in my soul. I pushed past that wrong feeling until it felt right. I started drinking at the age of 15, smoking at the age of 16, and I was kicked out of the house at the age of 17.I started doing all kinds of things that would alter my mind. Why? Because my flat mates were doing it and they were a lot older than me. In fact I never got on with people my own age as much as I did with older people. I wanted their wisdom but was always disappointed how these "older" people were not as wise as they should be. I was teased a lot in school for having huge eyes. The kids used to say to me; “my your eyes are soo big it’s scary, its like your looking right into my soul”. I was pushed away a lot too by guys my age because they said I was too intimidating.
I changed myself deliberately. It was a conscious choice one day after failing to kill myself with a litre of vodka and 25 migraine pills. (I started having migraines when I started doing things that didn’t feel right). I woke up and realized I wasn’t dead I was alive and looked in the mirror and said well I am here for a reason. I don’t know what reason but I didn’t die and I should have, or been really ill and I wasn’t at all. I said to myself I don’t fit in I cant fit in and all I can do is be submissive and try to blend into the background. I was 18.
I moved myself back to oz when I was 19 all by myself. People that knew me were freaking out because I was so young but I didn’t feel young I felt old, always have. I didn’t have much money I didn’t have anywhere to go but I new I would figure it out for myself. I met a guy who worked as a DJ he introduced me to stronger ways of altering my mind. So after a year or so of living this lifestyle; meeting rich, and some famous, people who all did naughty things, I began to have lucid dreams. I laid down on my bed and I could feel someone laying next to me looking at me it was so real the sheets even looked like there was someone there. I didn’t care, I was numb and I thought the devil finally got in, he was waiting at the door and I had let him in. One day I woke up and looked in the mirror. It was like I came out of a foggy dream. I dumped my boyfriendriend and moved back overseas near my family without telling people why. I never did those things again. Then I realised I was preggers by this boyfriendriend I had just left - I was 20. I was healthy and began having déjà-vue all the time. When I was 24 I decided to move back to Australia.
A while ago I broke off my long term relationship with my boyfriendriend. He is a very negative person and I only realised this after I moved in with him. His negative thoughts on life started to make me feel negative; every time he was angry I was too. I spoke to my mum and she said that I have always done that since I was little. I would pick up on others people's emotions and act them out. I am now 29 and I still do it. A few months before we broke up I started seeing people - "real" faces. One example of this a few months ago we were in the mall and a couple came up to us and started talking. They didn’t look at me at first but after talking to my boyfriend their words started to move into my left ear, and in my right ear I could hear my own voice say over and over fake, fake, these people are wearing masks. And the image I had was of these people at their home having a dinner party and I looked at their faces and they were ugly and wrinkled and their teeth were all yellow and they were laughing with their friends and none of their friends could see their true faces and I could. In my mind I yelled out liars! You are fake you are wearing masks you are here to deceive others! It seemed like this image lasted for ages in reality it was like a second or two and when I snapped out of it the couple who were talking to my boyfriend were looking directly at me and then they looked nervously at each other. I then looked them right in the eyes and said we have to go now. Anyways we got in the car and my boyfriend yelled at me for being rude. Why didn’t you speak to them I told him. I thought that they were fake, and he called me a snob.
Recently a friend told me he thinks I am a indigo adult. I laughed; I didn’t know what that was. All I know that my favourite colour is indigo and my whole house and clothing is mostly blue silver and violet. I always wanted to have a daughter and name her Indigo. Then I realised what an Indigo adult is and I check all the boxes. So if I am, now what? I have always wanted to help others and I still do. I wish I was rich so I could go over to poor countries and start orphanages, this is what I truly want to do but my son is only young. But right now I need a job a good one or a business of my own that I can build up and make money from to allow me to help others in the format that I want to.
I find a lot of volunteering has too many rules you can say this or that but not this. I think helping others is about freedom to say what you feel from the heart. I am doing that lately and others have been listening. I would love to start my own charity but don’t know where to go from here.