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Im an Indigo Child

by Natalie Vivian
(South windsor, CT, USA)


Since I was born I have been alone. And things have always felt like I was the problem. My mother would beat me for anything I would experiment or try to do on my own. My parents were strict and... I didn’t like that at all, but I listened all my life because I didn’t want to disappoint. I wanted them to just love me and care about me like I did them so I obeyed but sadly that wasn’t enough to get the deep love and bond I wanted. Honestly I hate writing, so much stuff in my head I can’t possibly get this out on paper and make sense but hey, I’ll try anything once. I would have nightmares that I could physically feel every time so I avoided sleep as much as I could. I would see so many things in my dreams that has happened in real life even leading up to today. I still am afraid of the dark sometimes or being alone and sleeping. I don’t like doing it but I know its dire to me living. I sometimes hear things that aren’t in physical form and see things, people.

Spirits that follow me around I don’t know who they are or what they want. I had this bird who would throw himself at my windows for 3 months straight trying to get inside my room. That was very annoying to hear and see sometimes. Also frightening.

I have never been able to focus on one thing for too long before I put it down and start something else. They say I move to fast and need to slow down. Ha. If only they knew how hard that is.

When I was 7 I wanted to kill myself. I wrote a note to my parents but never gave it or did it. I fought through it and it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I would look out my window at odd times of the night staring at the stars begging for them to bring me home, I have no idea where home is but I know it’s not here. I sometimes feel like I was put on the wrong planet in the wrong family in the wrong body. This person that I’m forced to have to be is not who I am in my soul and I fucking hate waking up every day playing the stage. I hate the fucking way this world expects you to do everything that everyone else does, so many rules and restrictions and repetition like an endless cycle like people are brain washed. Like droids or robots, not me. I do what I do not because I have to but because I want to live This isn’t my home these aren’t my family they want to harm me the people of this world and I have to live so I can save the future.

I want to help. I want to save people’s lives. Stop death from happening stop rapes and floods earthquakes that kill so many but I can’t. I know I’m here for a reason I know I’m special I just don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing exactly. I know in my core that it’s not going to a square building sitting at a square desk and doing meaningless things to make money for the same people who are killing everything. But hey if you don’t work what are you considered? A bum. If you don’t go and bust your ass for 8 plus hours a day for meaningless faces on printed paper, then you are NOTHING to this world. Your own family will say this to you as well. This breaks my heart. If you don’t go to a school for half of your life and get a degree in something irrelevant to our future, you are also considered a bum. I never strived to do this for myself I never dreamed of this because I see the bigger picture. While everyone is so caught up in this puppet show they call life. I know what’s important is the future generations of humans and animals and making sure this planet and the people inhabiting it are safe. I know how important trees are, how important rain is, how important grass and the sun are to US. But people cut it down. Try to put sunscreen on to block the rays from doing WHAT ITS MEANT TO BE DOING TO YOUR SKIN AND BODY. It angers me deeply to watch and see my people become this. They are doing exactly what they’re not supposed to. All my life I went left when I was supposed to go right. I never went in one single line like the rest of the world. I don’t like doing "trendy" things it doesn’t make me happy. It bores the living shit out of me when I see what they call fun. And I always question why I just don’t understand why no one else sees this shit. That it’s a distraction for something bigger and nobody’s looking. But I am and I’m not going to turn away.

I don’t know how I plan on saving this world by myself or even where to start but I won’t stop looking and searching for my purpose and maybe people like me. To start because time is running up.

I long for someone to be with for the rest of my life. A soulmate. Who can match my divine love that I have inside of me. Because it hurts how much I care and how hard I love and only to not ever receive it back for 20 years.

I’ll admit I have nothing. No money no job no car no house. I am poor. But inside I know I’m the richest woman on this earth, to possess so much knowledge and wisdom to pass on to others is a blessing. And so that’s how I look at myself while others may insult me or try to hurt me and make me feel bad about myself. Even people I trusted. So I trust no one.

I’m cut off from the world and it doesn’t bother me at all. I just need that one person in my life to give me life and strength to keep going because I want to give up somedays so bad.

I’m writing this in hopes I can sense some guidance I need it. I know I’m special and how powerful I am I want to know how to use it to help.

Please, help me.

Natalie

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Feb 17, 2017
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I Understand Plz Read My Comment It Will Cheer You Up
by: Lexi

Hey, before I begin I'll rly you know I'm Ann indigo as well probably a younger one than you. But I just wanted to say that I totally understand you and reading what you wrote makes me happy. Makes me feel understood because I feel as if I have nobody I felt so special (I've always felt that way since birth) and I've always had this wisdom that is sometimes more doormait and comes more naturally more days than others! When I younger I did the same as you I didn't rebel too much because I thought it was wrong but mostly because I wanted my parents to love me especially since I suffered from angry outbursts and anxiety! I'm really sorry your poor but you gotta remember your worth and I can see at least from when you wrote this you do! I'm glad you feel how powerfully you are and I'm glad there's someone out there who spends everyday trying to find there mission because I've always felt like I was great especially as a kid! I don't recall that I had as many psychic experiences as you well not that I can remember might've just blocked them out because my parents now call them out as my imagination! But especially this year I've felt this urge to rebel so strongly and deeply and I have this sense of being right and knowing more than ever and this year I felt this urge to find out my purpose more than ever! Basically every day of this year I always think about finding it because all the bad things humans do makes me remember! It's sad I see how much the teachers disrespect us, and talk down to us at times I don't even think they know it they never see the big picture of life! But anyway, this message is to let you know that your not alone and that you have me and all the other indigo's! All indigo's are connected to one another! Believe it it's true! So just remain who you are, stay strong and remember why your here even though you don't know the details and I love you! It would be great if you could respond to my comment. We could have a conversation and support each other because honestly I need someone as well I've been through so much this year one thing after another and it's been killing me and dragging me down! So plz do that!

Mar 05, 2016
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Preach peace and love shall follow
by: Earth's Steam

Heyy I never been on this kind of thing before but, I read your story and I could literally feel the pain you experienced. I just wish I knew you in person because all my life I've always played the recalcitrant rebel, but the hero when the time came no matter how grave the task was. With that being said every indigo on earth has a different and unique ability and your very gifted. I just want you to know that a shift is coming I seen it in my vision, this shift is gonna let beautiful people such as you feel true happiness. What you fail to realize is how special and powerful you are, when this shift comes it will take strong souls such as yourself to fight against the form of imbalance we live in today. The reason why I say your a strong soul is that with all that's happened in your life you were strong enough to live to this exact very moment and I applaud you. So I say keep speaking with peace and love shall follow your beautiful and pure soul. So next time thigs get tough on you or someone you know is going through problems just remember, Love and Prosperity's the key to progression.


Peace and love

Feb 05, 2016
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I dont know you
by: Vonney Heard

I don't know you, But I love you... Because I am you. Every word, every emotion, every insight, all that you are feeling... is me too. We are out here. You are NOT alone! Google my name, I promise you will find me... if u ever need a friend. (seriously)

One Love

Your Sister

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