Sunday night

by JB
(Providence, RI)

On Sunday evening, my husband left for work. He's a firefighter and works overnight. I haven't especially missed him lately when he's been at work. In fact, I usually feel quite happy when he leaves because I can focus on myself for a while. This past Sunday, just as he was getting ready to leave, I had this sadness that was indescribable. I almost cried when I hugged him to say goodbye. I called him an hour or two later to tell him how much I missed him. I just felt very sad, strange and out of sorts. I had this sinking feeling that something was wrong. I had found out earlier that day that my husband's great aunt had just passed away, but neither he nor I knew her (I met her once). I rationalized that my reason for being "clingy" was due to the fact that someone in our family had died. I couldn't sleep much that night, I only achieved sleep maybe 3 out of 8 attempted hours.

On Monday I found out that a friend of mine who is my age (38) who had not been ill had died suddenly of a heart attack, roughly around the same time of day that my husband was leaving for work, and roughly around the same time of day that I was feeling that awkward and sad.

The same sort of thing has happened before:
-when a friend was shot at (although he survived), approx two years ago when I was 35 or 36
-when my Dad died suddenly and unexpectedly, I was having a difficult time falling asleep that night, and I fell asleep at the time of his death (24).
-when my friend's father died when I was eighteen it was the EXACT same feeling of sudden sadness & tears
-when my Granpa died, when I was ten