What's in a Name
All my life I was aware that I was different. That much had been apparent from the moment I was born. Even so, I thought a lot of this "difference" developed due to the abuse of my early childhood. By the time I reached first grade, however, something strange began to happen. Every morning when I first woke up, I became confused and angry with myself for no apparent reason. I had this feeling that there was something I was meant to be doing. Something important; but I had no idea what.
The sensation only lasted for a brief amount of time but after a while it started to take its toll.
By fifth grade this was still happening. I finally told my stepmother who, in turn, informed me I should "pray about it" (her solution to everything). I did try but there wasn't a response. I decided I was meant to figure this one out on my own.
In sixth grade I took the time to look back at my journal entries from younger years. I found a surprising number of entries on dreams that ended up meaning something significant later on. Now a lot of my childhood is foggy and much of it can't be brought back to the memory. Some of the things I wrote I didn't even recall writing. They were just there.
The dreams started up again, though. I saw lots of things: repeating images. Eyes were especially common in them. These dreams turned to nightmares, the eyes were bleeding - the eyes were gone or turned into the head. And then there were dreams in which everyone was furiously blinking. I ended up turning to Google to find a dream interpretation website. It responded with: "To dream that your eyes are injured or closed, suggests your refusal to see the truth about something. If you dream that your eyes have turned inside your head and you can now see the inside of your head, then it symbolizes insight and something that you need to be aware of". Both of these only informed me of what I already knew. Something was missing.
About a week or so ago, I was browsing the internet looking through personality tests when I found an aura quiz. Having been avoiding falling asleep as I knew what I'd have to face, I took it. According to that quiz, I was an "Indigo Child"; I had never heard of that one.
Twenty minutes later I was staring at my screen in shock. I had spent my remaining time doing research on this phenomenon and what's more, I fit the characteristics perfectly. Even so, after this sense of surprise died down, I realized something: I'm going to wake up tomorrow and have the same feeling of loss and confusion as before. I was right, though the feeling did seem a lot less severe. But at the same time, that night I didn't dream of eyes. I dreamt of the most vivid colors and figures dancing, surrounded by bright lights. There was a sense of connection. In that moment, I came to better understand the Unity Conscious, which had been something I believed in for years.
A few days later I finally came to grasp what I was here to do. I think it was always with me as even before I felt strongly on the subject. Now, however, I see how to do it. I knew what steps to take. I can't explain it. I just knew.
"Indigo," is just a word. There are many critics out there who tear down the concept. There are also many who wear it falsely. Over a period of seven days I was practically handed my answer after searching for a lifetime. I do associate myself with the Indigo Children (and even more so with the term "Crystal") but it really is just a name. I don't think to myself on an hourly basis that I am one of the "New Children". I only think of what needs to be done.
So let the skeptics stick up their noses and believe as they may. Even if they doubt the terms applied to us, the messages we hold are something more. You don't have to believe in the Indigo, Crystal and Rainbow generation to understand what we have to say is important.
Call me as you may, but I am only what I've always been and always will be. The only difference is that now I am aware. Now I can make a difference.
We all can.