Indigo Amongst Stars
(Cape Town, South Africa)
I've always known that I was different, but throughout my life I often felt like there was something wrong with my behaviour and that I had to fix myself. People often say things like "you can handle it" or "you're strong or you'll get over it". I've been strong for as long as I can remember. I caved in on my "pillar of strength" this year. I kind of broke inside and realised I need allot of support. My family and 'friends' are concerned cause the meltdown led me to depression, what they don't understand that I need something they can't or won't give back to me. In fact, their "concern" for me just feels insulting. I wish people could understand what it means. (I'm also psychic so that magnifies everything like a thousand times over)
I wish I could find a way to explain myself, but that idea alone scares me because I've faced so much rebuke for being myself the past two years, I can't bring up courage to tell people "hey this is me, I am this way". The hardest is not being able to tell your parents when its them you look to for support, yet they're the least willing to accept what I have to say, which Influences everyone else's image of you, makes it nearly impossible to be myself around my family. I'm exhausted fighting my way to freedom. It hurts enough being so AWARE and hurts more when you have to fight for acceptance. I'm overwhelmed by others and try to train myself to pay little attention to people's negative behaviour and attitude. I get emotionally drained like I can't have relationship because I can't handle it.
I dream things, I know the mind and people, just observing and feeling. I overthink until I'm lost. Go through thinking and experiencing outer body sensation stages, like I'm building a chain to reach the core. I want people to open their minds and change. Its mind-blowing talking about the world, people, systems, how it could be and how we can build.
My inner-being travels to space, amongst stars, looking at earth and it’s an amazing feeling. Then it’s back to real world I need to do what I'm born for but no idea exactly. I know I HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY to help the world. Can't stand the pain and suffering people inflict on others, want to end it and guide confusion for peace and understanding. I've many things and I'm called to do, but why me?
I want to be normal so I don't have to face experience and deny who I am but can't show. To end it so badly, I'll be better off. The world SHOULD know about US!! Understand indigo types and ACCEPT!! I sometimes climb in people minds to know their thoughts and why think in certain orders. My occasional kick was inflicting a belief of something/anything I want. I'm able making someone believe they are insane or even on the verge if they insult and challenge me. I hate myself for this abnormality most times and I'm tired!