Growing up Indigo (part III)
But the fighting with Corey was terrible. We thought it was maybe because we were both Aries. But I was standing up for myself, and for the first time in my life I felt strong and to this day I can speak my mind now! He started hanging out with his low energy friends more and more, and I was left behind. I got jealous and angry because I missed the kind Corey I first met, and after 3 years, he wouldn't even smile at me. He smoked pot constantly which would at least calm him down for a little while. His anger was the only thing I saw. We got a house together through his dad but we continued fighting. He never even kissed me or ever wanted anything to do with me....we just kept fighting. But all I wanted was for him to spend time with me, to hold me and kiss me. He became violent and never hit me, but screamed in my face and called me names, and squeezed my arms leaving bruises a few times. I did the same thing back to him. I never had behaved that way, but it was like I had to prove that I was equally strong.
He belittled me and my art and guitar playing and treated me like he was the only one with talent. I became angry also, and the depression came back to haunt me as well as the panic attacks. He would ignore me when I cried, or tell me to shut up. I still loved him sooo much and I kept praying for his anger to leave and for him to just love me again like he used to, but one day out of nowhere after only one month at our house he told me he didn't want me anymore and kicked me out.
I was lucky and found a nice apartment that is VERY tiny. I work at a daycare with many indigos, crystals and perhaps rainbows. The indigo kids are sooo smart it is scary. They fight with me and with each other sometimes. It's kind of funny. The crystals are sooo sweet and remind me of when I was little before I became depressed. The system they have to teach them is a joke and I am always in a fight with the managers there. I'm not surprised. I love working with the kids and they have taught me so much but now at 26 I realize that I have got to do what I was born to do to help the world somehow: Music, art and writing.
It has been six months since I've been with Corey and he refuses to see me, but I think about him every minute of every day and I still love him more than words can express. I don't know what will happen in my future, but I know that I am different, no matter what label they give me, and that these kids that I work with are just like me. I don't feel alone anymore. One day I was thinking, and feeling sad, "why is it that I came to this world and had no one like me growing up, and all of these kid now are surrounded by their own kind, I wonder how many crystals and rainbows will be here and when." I never uttered a word and one little indigo looked right up at me from her lunch tray and said “lot’s of cousins are coming. They're being born now. Lots of cousins" I said to her "so why did I come so early, then? Why couldn't I come with you?" And this three year old said “because you are special, Miss Lindsey. And you are going to bring music to people around the world" My first day working there the freakiest thing happened. Two little three year old girls walked right up to me and said "We're here now" and walked off to play. I knew what they meant.
I don't know how this could be true; I am already 26 and am not even in a band. But it's one of the things I've always felt compelled to do. I am in college now still, but feel most of it is pointless and that I'm going nowhere. I am working at this daycare to make it through school, and because I love being around the kids. But the managers make me cry and are horrible to me. A part of me feels compelled to quit and concentrate on my art and music and writing, but I don't know how I'd financially survive. The job stresses me out and at school I don't even do art anymore.
I send love to everyone who has taken the time to read this and I assure you that the indigo myths are entirely true. I am not sure what exactly I am....but I know we are here to help the world and that we must sometimes go through terrible things in order to grow into more loving beings and have the depth and strength required to do our missions. We are not alone, we never were and we never will be. Every prayer will be answered. There is much more to tell, I have left out so much. I hope my life story has helped someone in some way.
Growing up Indigo (part I)
Growing up Indigo (part II)