Always knew but didn't.

by Kris Lovette
(Methuen MA)

Through these eyes, I see everything for how it is.

Through these eyes, I see everything for how it is.

Since childhood, I've known I was different. I believed in a Higher Spirit, God, Creater, etc since before I was told of one. I learned to talk and walk before I turned one year. I learned to write my name before I was two, and also have vivid memories of times before I had turned three (which science says between 3 and 5 is when the first memories are formed.) When I was two, I had an "imaginary friend" who was linked to my family for protection over me.

As a child I was obscure. I didn't get along well with others my age, prefering the company of adults. When I did make friends, it was always the odd balls-those like myself; those who understood adult concepts at young ages.

I learned early that I was empathic and sensitive to things around me. I "took on" the emotions of others around me, feeling what they feel. I also would know instantly when meeting people if they could be trusted, or if I should stear clear of them. When I was 7 and visiting my grandparents in NC, we went to a squaredance where a woman who was an aquaintence of my grandparents offered to take me to McDonalds where my mom and grandparents would meet us. I agreed. My mother was scared afterwards, that I'd gone so freely with her. I told her, "It's ok, she's honest and kind." My mother was astonished. Later I told her I didn't like her employee. A month later the employee stole from our store and was caught on camera.

I never felt attached to my body. Laying down, I felt as if my spirit was trapped within my flesh, in my mind. That my soul was separate from me, but drove my body to act as I wished.

I've had psychic moments. Dreams that came true or feelings of da ja vue that felt linked to other times. I've seen light flashes and shaddows. Being close to my mother, and yet living 1700 miles away, I just know when something is wrong. I've heard and felt presences around me, catching an EVP once when I was able to get a recorder during one event. My cousin took me when I was 15 to a fishing peer. At the time I didn't know any history of the place. While there I felt an overwhelming sense of fear and panic, and I wanted to leave before the danger hit. I found out two days later that the peir was once a bridge that had been hit by a barge on a support collumn and collapsed. What's left of the bridge was utalized as two peirs and a new bridge was built.

I find ignorance, arrogance, and stupidity intolerable. I find humans to be indifferent, and selfish, and I have trouble coping with those things. It boils me when people are ignorant when they are intelligent enough to know something. I'm annoyed when arrogance is used as an excuse to be rude and act like they are better than others. Stupidity when a person has a usable and working mind is a waist to me. Selfishness is more of a crime to me and is a root of evil acts for most situations. But these things don't seem to bother other people as they do me.

I tend to see things for how they truely are, and not for how I want to see them. Like my mind is a camera capturing events as an objective entity and not from a biased personal point of view. Making me a peace keeper or the ref to others at times.

I get along best with animals. Understanding them, and feeling for them. Many are drawn to me, even if they normally dislike people. A bird in a shop I regularly visit will talk to me, and has stepped up on me without a problem when she normally won't go to anyone at all from having been abused and neglected. Dogs seem to always want to me near me, and every cat I've ever came across has wanted to sit on my lap or has rubbed on my leg.

My entire life, I didn't have a name for what I was. For what I felt. For my thoughts and philosophies. I thought I was just made "wrong" or different from everyone else as if I was defective for not being "normal." When I came across a book in a store, I read a bit about Indigo children and realized that it fit my description. Last year I met a medium who told me I was "further enlightened," than most people. That I was an old soul who was developing more psychic abilities with each life. Since then, I've been told several times that I was an Indigo, always in conversations where I didn't initiate the word.

So now I have a name for myself. An Indigo; and I have to laugh at myself, because deep down, I always knew. Especially since purpleish hues were always a favorite color and every bedroom I ever had was painted as such.

Comments for Always knew but didn't.

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Mar 07, 2009
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Don't worry it'll all make sense one day!
by: Liz

What beautiful sensitive eyes, I see them so much these days:-) I do feel so for you young Indigos (my daughter is one, aged 20 now and feels so misplaced). I just want to say that personally I feel that much of this (...and speaking as a 40-something 'Elder'!) is down to the negative projections of this ugly culture - this I have learned. You shouldn't feel as if you don't 'belong' to your body, it is your instrument and temple and I hope you can learn to honour it. Patriarchy dispises the flesh (yes I know ironic when you consider how objectified sexuality has become) it wants us to feel adrift on this earth and needy - that way we go buy things to seemingly make us feel better. But in ancient times it was very different and it's those body/Earth/Spirit honouring values we Indigos came here to impliment, where Spirit and body are NOT at war - I'm CONVINCED myself this is the purpose! So many young people are made to feel inadequate both physically and emotionally...not to mention the assault on your senses everywhere (no wonder some of you drink yourelves half to death) it makes me so sad, I just can't express that.

It's easy to feel hopeless and in a state of despair when our wisdom, passion and love is rejected. But know you are not alone and that there are many Mama Indigos out there like me, who are here and have picked up a few pointers along the way:-) I'm probably one of the more pragmatic breed, and we do seem to differ slightly I find readig people's stories here. But in essence I think we 'purple Shamans' are here to help usher in the era of the Goddess (female God energy) which is why we are so profoundly sensitive. I can't even get on a bus without feeling psyhic assault! I think we have to trust our instincts, and our culture works hard on dismantling the strong instincts women especially have, that way they can make us feel unworthy and so we feel powerless and yes 'trapped' in an ugly shell of flesh. Please don't let the 'illuminati' beat your spirits, I know it isn't easy, but you will get there...

Have faith and know that 'even a smile is charity' according to Mohamed, and that having a child-like 'innocence' of spirit is the key to heaven - as Jesus said. Remember most of all to honour the Mother and yourself:-)

Wishing you every happiness in your earth-walk my dear.

Blessed be X

Feb 26, 2009
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I can certainly identify!
by: Anthony B.

I am new here, and yours is the first post I read, but I can SO identify with what you wrote. You definitely are not alone! I am curious how things are with you now, and what you do.

Be well,

Anthony

Nov 21, 2008
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It's a blessing to be different!
by: Ladyofwisdom/Desire'

I always was sensitive, had premonitions about events that always taken place. I always was kind-hearted, giving and hated seeing people or animals being mistreated. I started giving spiritual readings to people as a teenager. I just became a professional psychic.

Being different and unique is a blessing from God! Being able to reach out to others and provide wisdom and guidance is a blessing. While I was growing up.I didn't have a lot of friends. Some people thought I was weird because I was sensitive, others just hung around me just because they thought I was cool. I was always heavily involved with the choir at church and and school choir. I also like to write. I never been a follower, always strong willed and a leader! Now, that I'm older, I realize that a lot of people who were mean to me just didn't understand or like to embrace what is different. It's a blessing to be different!

This world would be very boring if everyone were identical! Don't be afraid to be different! People will accept you more if you be yourself. That's why I just be myself. I just make sure that I control my emotions and keep myself balanced!

Ladyofwisdom,
Philadelphia P.A

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