I Can't Escape

by Angie Scott
(Sparta, IL)

In my dreams I keep being taken to the same places and I can't escape. At the High School (Which I've never been to this particular school) it sometimes turns into the Metro station. I can't get out. I ALWAYS take the wrong train and end up somewhere outside in a far out field on the tracks while sitting on the actual train itself instead of inside. If I make it onto the train that is.

Other times someone will let me cut in line but I can't get the machine to give me a subway card even though, usually, I pay in tokens but can't find the token entry for some reason.

No matter what I do, I'm always lost or trapped or never where I need to be. Same thing at the Mall, but there I'm ALWAYS stealing something. Shoes, usually, bc my feet hurt. There's an exit in the garage area. A HUGE door guarded by a big, fat, black mall cop who won't let me leave. I just keep wandering around, lost and trying to get out. At one point in the mall thing I try to help some people in a store as though I were an employee but I can't get what they need.

At my family homes (which are, in dreams and real life, side by side) I'm always fighting with my grandmother, the woman who raised me. I'm always abusing her for some reason. This really bothers me. I used to have dreams where she hurt me but then she died in real life and now I only have dreams of hurting her.

WHY?!

Why am I always a bad person who is trapped and incompetent/to dumb to figure things out? I literally have nightmares every single night of my life and have since childhood.

Sometimes in dreams and in reality I have demons who screw with me. I thought it was just me but other people over the years have reported the same incidents on the same nights.

What's going on?

Please help!

Thank you so much for any clarity you can provide! :o)

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