Alone and Out of Place

by isaiah
(austin, texas, USA)

Since I could remember I always was scared of the dark. Like most kids, goonss and gobblins were lerking. But for me, unfortunately I was not scared of fairytales. It was my life, darkness for me dwelled the unknown, I felt unexplainable presents, that for me were frightening and scaring. Noises made when there's no one around, shadows moving when I'm the only one around. I became extremely paranoid and as my brother would say "disturbed".

When the movie the Sixth Sense came out I was 12 and cried, not because I was scared but because I could relate to the child. I have seen full body spirits a few times, but I felt their presents way too often, every night, and day.

Paranoia became my life. I have been to counseling and nothing works. I was scared of the dark until I was 19. Around that time I started praying and asking for God to stop me from seeing and feeling this way. I had the courage to finally tell my mother at 20... at that time my mother gave me a history lesson about my family tree. She explained that my grandmother was basically the caretaker. Meaning, people seemed to run to her for help, whether they would have a seizure only when they were around here, or they would look for advice on strange things happening in their life. My mother told me her youngest brother had the gift of seeing spirits. Which drove him to be an alcoholic and that he would stay with my grandmother so they would stop. My mother also told me that we are the witch doctors in our bloodline.

All this information just eased my mind letting me know I wasn't alone. My grandmother is half native indian and black. I have no clue of which side it descended from. I also told my father a year later when I was 21, thinking him to be hard to understand because he is such a God fearing man. But to my surprise he did. He said that makes since. After I told him what I go through everyday and experience. He explained when I was a baby I would cry so loud and hard and when he or my mother would come to comfort me. I would be staring at a specific spot, not blinking, still crying. I told him my grandfather (my father's dad) came and visited me and sat next to me. I explained I been having premonitions ever since I was 10... all that was to come true and pass, I told him I had a dream at 12 that he had another son out of wedlock..... which it turns out is true...

I'm 27 and to this day I can see things. To come, and predict others outcome for some reason I do not understand. I do not feel the spirit world as often anymore, but seeing things to come is a ongoing battle.

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