Always knew but didn't.
by Kris Lovette
Through these eyes, I see everything for how it is.
Since childhood, I've known I was different. I believed in a Higher Spirit, God, Creater, etc since before I was told of one. I learned to talk and walk before I turned one year. I learned to write my name before I was two, and also have vivid memories of times before I had turned three (which science says between 3 and 5 is when the first memories are formed.) When I was two, I had an "imaginary friend" who was linked to my family for protection over me.
As a child I was obscure. I didn't get along well with others my age, prefering the company of adults. When I did make friends, it was always the odd balls-those like myself; those who understood adult concepts at young ages.
I learned early that I was empathic and sensitive to things around me. I "took on" the emotions of others around me, feeling what they feel. I also would know instantly when meeting people if they could be trusted, or if I should stear clear of them. When I was 7 and visiting my grandparents in NC, we went to a squaredance where a woman who was an aquaintence of my grandparents offered to take me to McDonalds where my mom and grandparents would meet us. I agreed. My mother was scared afterwards, that I'd gone so freely with her. I told her, "It's ok, she's honest and kind." My mother was astonished. Later I told her I didn't like her employee. A month later the employee stole from our store and was caught on camera.
I never felt attached to my body. Laying down, I felt as if my spirit was trapped within my flesh, in my mind. That my soul was separate from me, but drove my body to act as I wished.
I've had psychic moments. Dreams that came true or feelings of da ja vue that felt linked to other times. I've seen light flashes and shaddows. Being close to my mother, and yet living 1700 miles away, I just know when something is wrong. I've heard and felt presences around me, catching an EVP once when I was able to get a recorder during one event. My cousin took me when I was 15 to a fishing peer. At the time I didn't know any history of the place. While there I felt an overwhelming sense of fear and panic, and I wanted to leave before the danger hit. I found out two days later that the peir was once a bridge that had been hit by a barge on a support collumn and collapsed. What's left of the bridge was utalized as two peirs and a new bridge was built.
I find ignorance, arrogance, and stupidity intolerable. I find humans to be indifferent, and selfish, and I have trouble coping with those things. It boils me when people are ignorant when they are intelligent enough to know something. I'm annoyed when arrogance is used as an excuse to be rude and act like they are better than others. Stupidity when a person has a usable and working mind is a waist to me. Selfishness is more of a crime to me and is a root of evil acts for most situations. But these things don't seem to bother other people as they do me.
I tend to see things for how they truely are, and not for how I want to see them. Like my mind is a camera capturing events as an objective entity and not from a biased personal point of view. Making me a peace keeper or the ref to others at times.
I get along best with animals. Understanding them, and feeling for them. Many are drawn to me, even if they normally dislike people. A bird in a shop I regularly visit will talk to me, and has stepped up on me without a problem when she normally won't go to anyone at all from having been abused and neglected. Dogs seem to always want to me near me, and every cat I've ever came across has wanted to sit on my lap or has rubbed on my leg.
My entire life, I didn't have a name for what I was. For what I felt. For my thoughts and philosophies. I thought I was just made "wrong" or different from everyone else as if I was defective for not being "normal." When I came across a book in a store, I read a bit about Indigo children and realized that it fit my description. Last year I met a medium who told me I was "further enlightened," than most people. That I was an old soul who was developing more psychic abilities with each life. Since then, I've been told several times that I was an Indigo, always in conversations where I didn't initiate the word.
So now I have a name for myself. An Indigo; and I have to laugh at myself, because deep down, I always knew. Especially since purpleish hues were always a favorite color and every bedroom I ever had was painted as such.