Indigo Goddess Heart

by Brittany Nelson
(B.C. Canada)

If you knew my full story, you wouldn't think I rule my life but deep down inside, I stand my ground!! I’m loud when I need to be and shut out when I stop giving a shit!

I've never been like the rest of society and I knew that from the start. I hated the idea of religion and the government ever since I was born and I didn't know why. While most girls dreamt about getting married with their Barbie dolls, I watched ghost stories and read haunting books. I've always had an interest in the paranormal and I've had some freaky experiences myself.

That’s not even the half of what my life has led me to and I’m only 25. I do hate the way this world is governed and I hate how society functions. I don’t hate all people, just the brainless retards who don't have a heart. Animal and Child abuse sickens me. I wish I could give those people who act on such violent behaviours a taste of their own medicine! My brain is so overwhelmed these days about how I want to get back at the people in my life who have pissed me off and its a good list. Most recent is my ex who deserves as much pain as life can give him before he rots internally a slow and painful death.

I do hold grudges and sometimes those grudges confuse me to thinking I’m not sweet and innocent, but truly evil and demonic. But I love animals so I can't be evil. I just hate certain humans. What does that make me? When it comes to crowds of people, I get anxious, very anxious. Like, I can feel all their energies invading mine and pissing me off, because they don’t think like I do. All I want to do is fight but I don’t show it unless you corner me. I hide from the public and being known because I feel like something that is said or done is going to make me hurt them or end up in a fight with someone who has more strength then me.

What really pisses me off is any authority. I hate them all. I wish I could have revenge on all the suits that put me in cuffs and the holding cell. And bouncers lol. I mean serious revenge. All out war with no repercussions. (I’ve never been to real jail, thank love.) Oh yeah, cause the way religions perceive god is ridiculous. God to me is Love, an all powerful energy that most humans have within themselves. This same energy is what makes Mother Nature grow her garden, and spin the earth.

The earth has a heart beat and every living being shares that same heart beat. We are all one! Do you know what else sickens me? Brainwashing! We all have the truth when we are born but as we get older; the truth is blocked out and converted to lies and bullshit! It starts with cartoons! Don’t think the Simpsons is a sweet and innocent show and now they have Futurama which is even worse. Look for hidden messages! We are all the same and all should love one another. Instead we are born into a world full of hate and anguish. I feel it too and maybe that’s why I’m so frustrated and angry.

I feel like I’m hitting a wall all the time. This world isn't what I want it to be and nobody listens to anything I say. I get angry so much and to an extent that is probably not necessary considering I go unheard and now I’m being labelled as Oppositional Defiant Disorder. I really don’t care what they want to call it. All I know is I am pissed off and I want to help all living creatures that can't help themselves, but at the same time I am overwhelmed with my two opposing desires and I want to call it quits, end my life right now and try to help out from an angel point of view.

The only downfall of suicide is that I probably won’t be an angel if I give up and that sucks because if I get into a situation when I do end up in jail, that will lead me to suicide and then where am I? Stuck, because of this world, an angry spirit who never got her chance because nobody would listen. See how much this angry world makes me angry? I blame authority; they aren't trying to make peace, they’re trying to make their salary and they don’t care about you and me. They are all brainwashed ignorant selfish Service To Self robots! Whenever it’s my turn to die, I am not afraid, bring it on! The only thing I am afraid of, is the pain it will cause my family, and with that thought, its not just a thought, its a feeling, from the heart, my true Indigo Goddess Heart!

So whatever happens next, I am not scared, hell no! I stand my ground!! Even if my temper and anger get the best of me and authority corners me, my spirit I know is strong willed enough to find its way. My body right now is just a fragment of the term my spirit has to grow. Each life is a lesson.

Nobody ever dies.

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