Life Suddenly Added Up

by LA Sampson
(NY NY & San Antonio TX)

My whole life I have felt like an alien on this planet. When I was a child I would imagine the people of the world plotting to eat me one day... I wasn’t quite sure. I figured everyone thought that. I have a lot of friends, only I’ve never felt "closeness" to one. They all want to be close, only there is always an unspoken difference.

My friends think I’m a weird hippy/stoner/old soul/wild spirit... and this is not me saying this at all. I downplay it and act like I never hear it. I have huge brown eyes they stop people in their tracks to talk to me about my eyes. I have random strangers who feel that can trust me in a matter of seconds of meeting. I have 15 dogs I’ve taken in, sick.. I can’t pay my health bills but I make sure they are in tip top condition, they've had hard lives.

I feel like when I look in the mirror I see truth. I don’t hate a single person in the world; there is not one person I don’t like. I can’t lie, never have never will, there is no logic in lying. That and it almost physically hurts. I get introverted sometimes for days in my room just thinking. I despise corporate America. I constantly watch the news through the day; I pay close attention to politics but think they are a waste. I've never littered... I promised the earth that when I was about 9. Although I could, I didn’t speak much as a child, my mother said I just observed a lot.

I am obsessed with the stars, I feel like the world has forgot them and how beautiful they are. I think that is important to remember... so remember. I move across the country in a moment of randomness. I'm scared of nothing, not even death. I have only two tattoos, both star related, 3 aesthetically pleasing stars on my shoulder blade and the word stellar (from the stars) on my right hip. I wear stone jewelry instead of gold or silver; amethyst around my neck and rose quartz and natural pearl around my wrist and I sleep with rose quarts under my pillow.

I feel at peace when alone in nature. I could without a doubt live my life alone and happy. The only reason I would want a child is to pass on important lessons that the world should have in it. This stuff is so common, I never tell anybody. I’m also a Pisces, so I live in a dream world nobody understands. I’m emotional, (crying now actually because this is so intense).

I have visions separated by 45min. of the action happening, even happening across the country. I think of a song, it’s on the radio, I think of a movie, it’s the next one I see playing. When I was younger I would notice when my mom was driving the car at night, everything I looked up at a street light it would go out. EVERYTIME. I thought it was a maybe the weight of the car; I was probably 7 at this time. When I rode in other cars it would still happen. I told my father... and I’m very private, even at that age, but I needed somebody to ask. After that it slowly stopped, or I stopped looking at the streetlights.

That is all... there is more but that is all I can remember at this moment. So I guess the reason for all of this is to get an answer. Am I different? If not, I'd like to know why I feel so different.

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